Monday, October 25, 2010

Stop Dragging HArry

On a sunny, afternoon, Tim and Harry decide to play a round of golf. At the second hole, Harry keels over and dies. Tim approaches the tee and drives a long shot down the fairway. Tim, realizing what has happened to Harry, promptly picks him up and drags him to the third hold. This continues throughout Tim's life.

How many times in life are you Tim? "Harry" is regret and guilt and Tim won't leave him behind. There is no need to carry such a heavy load, but instinctively, Tim won't let go. Instead, Tim marches through life carrying "Harry" everywhere he goes. It is time to bury "Harry!" The question is why do we burden ourselves with regret and guilt? What purpose do they serve? I am not saying that mistakes should be forgotten. On the contrary, they need to be learned from and put to rest. You must heal old wounds.

One of the toughest lessons I learned is getting past the guilt over mistakes I made. This is especially hard if you hurt another person. Guilt has some very devastating and unique characteristics. The main feature of guilt over other emotions is that the individual may carry the original pain of an event with him/her for years. Many people believe that putting the pain and guilt of past events behind them is a selfish act. They may feel it is disrespectful to the party they injured if they don't feel guilty. Somehow, the only way to repair the damage is to continue with the pain and guilt for years sometimes even a lifetime. This line of thinking must be changed to move on and get past this useless and enervating emotion.

There is a very simple way to get past guilt. It is not easy, yet it simple. You have to ask yourself a basic question: "Can I change the past?" The answer of course is no. If you cannot change the past, what is the most productive and positive way to deal with it? Learn from it. The best way to overcome guilt is to make sure that whatever mistakes you made in the past never happen again. Do not forget to ask for forgiveness. The act of asking for forgiveness is healing in and of itself. It is important to remember that the person may not always accept the apology. The final step is to forgive ourselves. Forgiving yourself is a mature act that comes from deep inside. It is the final step in lifting the weight of guilt off your shoulders. Forgiving yourself allows you to move on. You leave behind the useless emotional pain of past mistakes. You finally bury "Harry."

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