John and Michael - A Story of Life, Death & Meaning by Dr. Ronald Sinagra

I could not have written this column ten, five or even a few years ago. As my 45th year draws to a close, my outlook on life has changed. My goals of success and the avenues I chose to obtain them kept leaving me empty and personal happiness seemed to be elusive. I did achieve some of my goals such as: graduating chiropractic college, establishing a private practice and obtaining financial and material success. Why then did I feel that something was missing in my life? These achievements are the one I yearned for as a child. Society makes you believe that success is the answer to a happy life. I believed the old adages to be true. You worked hard to build a career then happiness and financial success would follow.

The rich and powerful know something that you and I don’t know. Success, money and power do not satisfy our soul or bring happiness. Only once these pursuits are obtained do we realize that these things are not what we really wanted. Read any tabloid about Hollywood. We peruse stories about the rich and famous whose lives are filled with anger, deceit, excess, pain and unhappiness. Yet, most of us feel that if we had their success we would get it right. We would know better. The rich and powerful have every problem we do except for money, which ironically leads to a host of problems we never even think about. Our real goals should be contentment and inner peace. Success is good and money is good. They just cannot and do not satisfy the soul.

I want to share a story of two men who greatly impacted my life. The first story is about my high school friend, Michael, who had everything to live for but lost his life to a horrific illness. The second story is about John, whose last name I don’t even know. John did all he could just to stay alive. These men never met but their stories taught me many powerful lessons, which helped fill the emptiness in myself.

In the fall of 2002, Michael invited me to the city for dinner. His wife was away visiting family and we were planning a boy’s night out. Michael was one of those people who had it all. He was handsome, intelligent funny and successful. After graduating college, he worked for a Wall Street firm and made his first million in his early thirties. He married a beautiful girl and had two wonderful children. He owned a house in the Hamptons and a loft in Manhattan. Michael made plans for us to have dinner at his favorite restaurant. We met and as we were walking, I noticed that he was limping. I didn’t think much of it at the time and told him to see a neurologist. Michael called me after seeing the doctor. He told me that the neurologist wasn’t sure what was wrong but there was a chance he might have Lou Gehrig’s disease. He asked me if this diagnosis was serious. My heart lurched in my chest and I knew in that one second that life would never be the same for my friend, his family and all those who loved him. It was Lou Gehrig’s disease and we all watched helplessly as Michael wasted away. He died less than two years later and it was a devastating loss to so many of us. He was a special man and I miss him terribly.

I met John in the late 1990’s while attempting to dock my boat at the beach. It was a very windy day and the water was whipping about. John jumped onto his boat and guided me so that I could successfully maneuver my boat into the slip. He is a kind and friendly person. After that, I did not see him for a couple of years until we bumped into each other at the gym. I would see him there often and we would talk extensively. One day I noticed that John did not look well. He had lost weight and his color was off. I asked him how he was feeling. He told me he had a serious heart condition and was dying. His wife was with him as he explained his condition. She said nothing but I could feel her sadness and pain. John needed a heart transplant and was running out of time. As the months passed, I did not see John again at the gym. I could not help but think the worst. Did John lose his fight? I thought he did. Then one day while visiting the gym, I looked out at the track and saw John running! He received a heart and a chance at a new life. His wife was with him and she radiated happiness like a spring day. This was a special day I won’t forget. I learned a lesson about what really is important to an individual and the answer is life and love!

My friend Michael had more success and money than most of us will ever have yet in the end, it was meaningless to him and all who loved him. What is important is life and Michael would have traded all his success and wealth just to be alive. SO what really matters in the end? It is life! This is a powerful lesson. Nothing is more important than being alive and every day of our lives should be a celebration. We allow so many distractions to get in the way of the simple joy of just living. We worry and get stressed over unimportant things in our daily routines and miss the simple beauty of God’s most precious gift, life. During a recent gym workout, I overheard some men talking. One man was predicting upcoming economic disaster and another was complaining about gas prices. I looked up and saw John running on the track. I yelled out to him and asked him if he cared about the economy? “No,” he said. “I’m just happy to still have problems to think about.” I was amazed by his answer. He is just happy to be alive, problems and all. The main thing is that he is still here to feel life and all the good, bad, joy and pain that comes with it.

We as human beings do something that no other animal or creature on this plant does. We ask, “Why am I here?” An animal’s primary focus is food, shelter and reproduction. We yearn for more than survival. We think and question the meaning of life and happiness. We fill our younger years chasing falsehoods. We pursue money, success, power, sex and material possessions only to realize they cannot fulfill the soul or the void inside. It is only after chasing these falsehoods and coming up empty do we start to see what is important and what makes life meaningful.

I learned that a life of meaning is far more important than material success. As we search for happiness it becomes obvious that it is not something you obtain. It is a choice. You are either happy or you are not. There are no ordinary moments in life. We create our unhappiness by believing that something is missing in our lives. If I only had this or that is a life stealing way of thinking. It steals today for the promise of happiness tomorrow. Michael and John showed me that the most important thing in life is life. It is only when we wake each day thinking it is beautiful just to be alive can we start to enjoy life right now, right where we are. What is a life of meaning? It is not about wealth or success. It is about love and being loved and savoring each moment. It is about appreciating those moments that don’t last like your child’s first steps, a beautiful summer day, or a fine bottle of wine. I don’t believe there is one answer to the question of what denotes a meaningful life. I think there are many answers. Enjoy each moment and fill your life with love. Never forget that life is a fleeting and fragile entity absolute beauty.

Hey Coach - Thank You by Dr Ronald Sinagra

There are certain people or times in your life that leave an indelible mark. The experience is powerful, and so positive that it stays with you throughout your life. The irony is that when you’re going through it you do not realize its impact. You may at times even hate that person. It may not be until years later that you look back and see the magnitude of this individual’s effect on your life. I was fortunate to have a coach that taught me the fundamentals of honor, discipline, self-respect and success. I thought it was time to say thank you.

It is remarkable how fate can change your life with such subtlety. It can be as simple as a walk through one door and not the other, or a chance meeting on line in a store. Whatever the circumstances, major events can have minor beginnings. My experience began when my football coach wanted me to stay in shape during the winter. He requested me to join the wrestling team. Coach was the dean of discipline. I feel certain his disciplinary approach had some influence on the “request” for me to join the team. Wrestling was not on top of my list of things to do. I was a sophomore and the idea of rolling around on a mat in tights was not appealing. As per my football coach’s “request,” I joined.

I attended A.G. Berner High School in Massapequa. I was on the Junior Varsity team when I met “Coach.” From the moment we met, he would constantly beleaguer me. He drove all of us hard and many a time I considered quitting team. Sensing this, he would pull me aside and tell me, “The door is for quitters, I didn’t think you ‘were a quitter.” Then he would grin and you knew he cared. No one ever left.

Wrestling is a unique sport. Classified as a team sport, it is also the ultimate individual sport. Success comes from within. Coach would always tell us to persevere and work as hard as we could. Preparation and conditioning were the keys to success. I vividly remember that sometimes Coach would be annoyed when you lost. Then other times he would give you a hug or a pat on the back. I didn’t understand! Then I realized he would only blast you when you quit, were not in shape, or were afraid; basically, when you let yourself down. Coach was teaching us not to fear life and give it our best shot. Self-respect and self-discipline were taught and learned. “Respect everyone and fear no one,” was a favorite mantra. Coach had a way of giving you confidence to do your best, to go for it and to dig down deep within yourself to show that you are capable of levels of success that you never thought possible. Coach also taught us to lose with dignity and honor. We were not allowed to blame others. He would say, “Go home and look in the mirror. Did you prepare yourself, practice hard, and give it your all without quitting? How can you lose when you’re already a winner?” He was turning boys into men and more importantly, he never quit on us!

So here is the irony. Did I win a State Championship or a County Title? No. I was actually not a very good wrestler and I never listened to Coach back, then. I didn’t listen until years later, when I faced the challenges of the academic and real world. It was when I feared failing Chiropractic school that I remembered all the lessons Coach had preached. Chiropractic was my dream and those lessons of self-discipline and never quitting, made it a reality. To this day, when I apply the lessons I learned from Coach to my life, I never fail. It was an honor and privilege to wrestle for Coach Jim. I owe him a debt of gratitude I can never repay. I want Jim to know he made a huge difference in my life and the lives of many others! Hey Coach - Thank you!


The Envy of Angels by Dr Ronald Sinagra

Have you ever noticed how many places the word “God” is used in our culture? It is printed on our currency,“ In God We Trust.” Our criminal justice system requires a swearing in with our hand on a Bible and we are told to tell the truth “so help you God.”A chorus of “God Bless America” starts the seventh inning stretch in baseball. When you sneeze, “God bless you” is a common response. The use of “God” pervades our culture and vocabulary on purpose because our forefathers did not want us to forget what is vital. So why have we lost the understanding of our true nature and spiritual existence? Is it political correctness? I am not sure. What I am sure of is that when we lose our connection to “God” we mislay our true spiritual self. A man alone is a small thing, but a man who is conscious and connected to his “God” and spiritual side is a great thing. Our physical existence is so fleeting, beautiful and fragile that one might call it the “Envy of Angels.”

Do you believe in heaven or angels? I certainly do. If you do, then you understand heaven is a place we go to when we leave the physical body. Almost everyone who came before us is there. So this body is not who we really are. It is the temporary home of our soul and spirit. Life is just a temporary departure from our true home, our true existence. We are spiritual beings on a physical journey, not the other way around. If we can remember this each day so much stress and unhappiness we create for ourselves will disappear. We can then embrace our journey with grace and enjoy its twists and turns such as: hard work, personal struggles, raising children and growing older. If we remember our spiritual side we can savor each part of our lives. How sad it must be to view only the physical body and its 70 to 80 years of possible life span and label it as whom we really are. All too often we see the retired athlete or Hollywood starlet who no longer can compete with younger stars crumble into despair. They believe all that is good is gone and never see the big picture. When we detach our true selves from this body, we can see the glory of this short life and embrace each phase. So why would angels envy us? It is because of our humanity! We are perfect in our imperfection. Being human is beautiful and the spiritual world can only look back and remember what it was like. To angels, our whole life is just like the “good old days.” The things that we take for granted are what angels miss. Our society overrates the material at the expense of the spiritual and we all get caught up in it. Do you think any angel or soul in heaven would look back at life and miss: a car, a house or material possessions? No way! They would miss the touch of a child’s hand, the feel of sand between their toes, a spring breeze, a chill in the air, their first kiss, falling in love, the smell of a holiday meal and the comfort of home. And yes, pain. Pain is also a part of this experience. It lets us know we are alive both physically and emotionally. Anyone who lives their life avoiding pain never really grows or can fully experience life. Angels probably yearn for the things we fail to appreciate. Just a chance to be alive! When we look at life as a spiritual being having a physical experience, it is incredibly liberating. Viewing our bodies as a “loner” and not designating them as who we are allows us not to stress about growing older and all the other self-perceived physical attributes which we dislike. Unlike our physical bodies, we are perfect. This imperfect, flawed, aging body is just a temporary home used for our journey! It’s also important to remember that you can’t age thought! Your thoughts do not age, unless you let them. Do not let an old person into your head.

Live every day to the fullest as time is a fleeting thing. Embrace all stages of this life. See it, feel it, taste it, touch it, just love it. Somewhere, there’s an angel who wishes they were in your shoes.

The Boy With No Feet

One of my fondest memories as a boy was my grandfather. He was an Italian immigrant who truly came from nothing to live the American dream. He amassed wealth, friends, family and a knack for storytelling. His stories were meant to teach his children and grandchildren life’s lessons. One story was “The boy with no feet.” He told me that one winter he was so poor that he had to walk with no shoes. He was cold and feeling depressed about his condition. “Why me? Why must life be so hard for me? I don’t even have shoes!” he cried out. Then he came across a boy sitting in the alley, he had no FEET! It took me many years to truly appreciate what my grandfather was trying to teach me. “I felt sorry for myself because I had no shoes, until I saw the boy with no feet.” As with many of life’s lessons we tend to forget, this year I remembered.

The holidays are a beautiful time of the year. For some people they can be difficult. This year was a tough one for me. I was going through one of those periods when I was looking at my life half empty not half full. Maybe it’s Walt Disney’s fault but where is the white picket fence, and happily ever after? When I was young I always thought it would be simple. You graduate high school, then college, you call in love, get married, two kids, picket fence you know, happy! What happened? Through the glow of Christmas lights I keep thinking how different life really is as compared to what I believe it would be. I though the toughest task was to establish a career. I was wrong. It is relationships and/or marriage. They never taught us that in school. I do know one thing for certain. 60% of my friends have not failed at their career. So there I was over the holidays feeling depressed over things that might have been. Thinking how lonely and hard life can be. I was about to get a rude awakening.

I am a firm believer in God. I also believe that God may not have a written plan for everyone but he bathes us in opportunity. It is our job to see his wisdom in earthly events. A relative was very sick in December so I went to see her in the hospital. I found out what wing she was in and followed those silly lines on the floor. Thinking I was about to enter her wing, I walked into the pediatric oncology ward. I honestly believe this was one of God’s interventions. As I walked through the door I saw little girls with I.V.s in their arms and no hair on their heads. I was overcome with sadness. There were small boys with dark circles under their eyes wearing little baseball hats. My heart hit the floor. The ironic thing was the children were still acting like children. For the most part they just wanted to be kids. They did not totally understand, but their parents sure did. I did not think anything could move me more than seeing these kids until I saw the pain in their parents’ eyes. It was something so deep, so hurtful it defies description. I kept thinking how devastating it must be to be a parent and be powerless to help your baby. That must be the toughest pain this world can create. As I left the hospital I realized this as my “boy with no feet.”

The events of that day were a true wake up call. There are times when we all fall into a self pity mental state. Of all the blessings in our life we look to what is missing from our wish list. We rarely give thanks or feel good about how lucky we really are. I relived my experience in the hospital thousands of times in my head. I kept coming up with the same conclusion: I DON’T HAVE REAL PROBLEMS, I HAVE INCONVENIENCES. I believe that is true for most of us. When we examine how the rest of the world lives, we Americans need to give thanks and realize how blessed we are.

We all have disappointments and most of us probably feel something is missing at some level or wish things had turned out different in life. The lesson here is not to allow what we think is missing to overshadow all the good in our lives. As you think back to “the boy with no feet” ask yourself are you healthy? Is your family healthy? Do you have friends? If you answered yes, then you are truly a rich “man.” Finally, try to remember, if we are not happy with what we have why would God give us more? Life is good, let us not forget!