I could not have written this column ten, five or even a few years ago. As my 45th year draws to a close, my outlook on life has changed. My goals of success and the avenues I chose to obtain them kept leaving me empty and personal happiness seemed to be elusive. I did achieve some of my goals such as: graduating chiropractic college, establishing a private practice and obtaining financial and material success. Why then did I feel that something was missing in my life? These achievements are the one I yearned for as a child. Society makes you believe that success is the answer to a happy life. I believed the old adages to be true. You worked hard to build a career then happiness and financial success would follow.
The rich and powerful know something that you and I don’t know. Success, money and power do not satisfy our soul or bring happiness. Only once these pursuits are obtained do we realize that these things are not what we really wanted. Read any tabloid about Hollywood. We peruse stories about the rich and famous whose lives are filled with anger, deceit, excess, pain and unhappiness. Yet, most of us feel that if we had their success we would get it right. We would know better. The rich and powerful have every problem we do except for money, which ironically leads to a host of problems we never even think about. Our real goals should be contentment and inner peace. Success is good and money is good. They just cannot and do not satisfy the soul.
I want to share a story of two men who greatly impacted my life. The first story is about my high school friend, Michael, who had everything to live for but lost his life to a horrific illness. The second story is about John, whose last name I don’t even know. John did all he could just to stay alive. These men never met but their stories taught me many powerful lessons, which helped fill the emptiness in myself.
In the fall of 2002, Michael invited me to the city for dinner. His wife was away visiting family and we were planning a boy’s night out. Michael was one of those people who had it all. He was handsome, intelligent funny and successful. After graduating college, he worked for a Wall Street firm and made his first million in his early thirties. He married a beautiful girl and had two wonderful children. He owned a house in the Hamptons and a loft in Manhattan. Michael made plans for us to have dinner at his favorite restaurant. We met and as we were walking, I noticed that he was limping. I didn’t think much of it at the time and told him to see a neurologist. Michael called me after seeing the doctor. He told me that the neurologist wasn’t sure what was wrong but there was a chance he might have Lou Gehrig’s disease. He asked me if this diagnosis was serious. My heart lurched in my chest and I knew in that one second that life would never be the same for my friend, his family and all those who loved him. It was Lou Gehrig’s disease and we all watched helplessly as Michael wasted away. He died less than two years later and it was a devastating loss to so many of us. He was a special man and I miss him terribly.
I met John in the late 1990’s while attempting to dock my boat at the beach. It was a very windy day and the water was whipping about. John jumped onto his boat and guided me so that I could successfully maneuver my boat into the slip. He is a kind and friendly person. After that, I did not see him for a couple of years until we bumped into each other at the gym. I would see him there often and we would talk extensively. One day I noticed that John did not look well. He had lost weight and his color was off. I asked him how he was feeling. He told me he had a serious heart condition and was dying. His wife was with him as he explained his condition. She said nothing but I could feel her sadness and pain. John needed a heart transplant and was running out of time. As the months passed, I did not see John again at the gym. I could not help but think the worst. Did John lose his fight? I thought he did. Then one day while visiting the gym, I looked out at the track and saw John running! He received a heart and a chance at a new life. His wife was with him and she radiated happiness like a spring day. This was a special day I won’t forget. I learned a lesson about what really is important to an individual and the answer is life and love!
My friend Michael had more success and money than most of us will ever have yet in the end, it was meaningless to him and all who loved him. What is important is life and Michael would have traded all his success and wealth just to be alive. SO what really matters in the end? It is life! This is a powerful lesson. Nothing is more important than being alive and every day of our lives should be a celebration. We allow so many distractions to get in the way of the simple joy of just living. We worry and get stressed over unimportant things in our daily routines and miss the simple beauty of God’s most precious gift, life. During a recent gym workout, I overheard some men talking. One man was predicting upcoming economic disaster and another was complaining about gas prices. I looked up and saw John running on the track. I yelled out to him and asked him if he cared about the economy? “No,” he said. “I’m just happy to still have problems to think about.” I was amazed by his answer. He is just happy to be alive, problems and all. The main thing is that he is still here to feel life and all the good, bad, joy and pain that comes with it.
We as human beings do something that no other animal or creature on this plant does. We ask, “Why am I here?” An animal’s primary focus is food, shelter and reproduction. We yearn for more than survival. We think and question the meaning of life and happiness. We fill our younger years chasing falsehoods. We pursue money, success, power, sex and material possessions only to realize they cannot fulfill the soul or the void inside. It is only after chasing these falsehoods and coming up empty do we start to see what is important and what makes life meaningful.
I learned that a life of meaning is far more important than material success. As we search for happiness it becomes obvious that it is not something you obtain. It is a choice. You are either happy or you are not. There are no ordinary moments in life. We create our unhappiness by believing that something is missing in our lives. If I only had this or that is a life stealing way of thinking. It steals today for the promise of happiness tomorrow. Michael and John showed me that the most important thing in life is life. It is only when we wake each day thinking it is beautiful just to be alive can we start to enjoy life right now, right where we are. What is a life of meaning? It is not about wealth or success. It is about love and being loved and savoring each moment. It is about appreciating those moments that don’t last like your child’s first steps, a beautiful summer day, or a fine bottle of wine. I don’t believe there is one answer to the question of what denotes a meaningful life. I think there are many answers. Enjoy each moment and fill your life with love. Never forget that life is a fleeting and fragile entity absolute beauty.
